Friday, April 27, 2012

My life turned UP SIDE DOWN

Looks like it is going to be a sleepless night. SO many questions running through my mind. WHY didn't I answer your call Monday? Why didn't I call you back? Why did I delete the voicemail? I just want to hear your voice. Trying to be strong, tell myself you're in a better place...but what about us? Where do we go from here? I keep trying to pray that God will give me peace, but all i'm really wanting is to wake up. Realize you're not gone. That you'll be here Sunday to hold and love on Kamree. She's already asked about you. I feel like I've lost a piece of my heart. A part i can't replace. A part I can't fill. As i was sitting there, talking to you, lying on that table, I was just waiting for you to open your eyes, say something back, tell me you're alright...but you didn't, and you won't. I kissed your forehead, knowing that you'd never be able to hug me back, or comfort me when i'm hurt, or calm me when i'm mad. There is nothing more I want right now than to realize i've had a horrible nightmare...but this IS REAL. You're really gone. For good. I'm never going to hear your voice on the other line again. Never going to see you play with Kamree, or teach her how to be a cowgirl like you planned. All i have left is pictures, and memories...

But you went away,
How dare you? I miss you.
They say I'll be okay,
But I'm not going to ever get over you.

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